see heaven’s got a plan for you
Philippians 4:6 Be careful for nothing; but in every thing by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known unto God.7 And the peace of God, which passeth all understanding, shall keep your hearts and minds through Christ Jesus.8 Finally, brethren, whatsoever things are true, whatsoever things are honest, whatsoever things are just, whatsoever things are pure, whatsoever things are lovely, whatsoever things are of good report; if there be any virtue, and if there be any praise, think on these things.
One year ago, I was in London after spending the semester in Europe. While I have visited many times prior, it was my first time living abroad. About ten countries were hit during that five month span. It was surreal.
Truthfully, I didn’t want to go. You can ask anyone and everyone. I threw a fit, tantrums even. I thought I’d be leaving things, people, behind. It boiled down to mi madre saying she couldn’t look at me without seeing a ball of stress. And while it can be argued that many needed a break from me, I also needed a break from the many and muchness. I was overwhelmed.
After we returned, my mom decided to kick my butt. In doing so, she managed to push me to challenge God and grow my faith. Last summer, I worked fifty hours between two internships in two cities, commuted for twenty hours, took two classes, and headed up a project. God saw me through with accolades and grades. It was fantastic. In proving Himself, I knew it was time I dealt with the transfer application process. I had avoided this previously, despite being able to through the fulfillment of requirements. I was simply scared and had little to no faith that God would take care of me.
I began working on this monstrosity in August. It was pathetic, the writing I tried to pass off to others. I wasn’t until November when I was spending hours and days and nights on the thing. It took hours of introspection, tears, and reflection.
To the people that chose to be involved, I am ever grateful.
Mama, I don’t know what to say. You’ve had love and patience for me since I was born. I know I’ve been particularly difficult but I love you. Thanks for being my number one fan and the fire under my butt. Reba, thanks for being sensitive. I’ll be there for you and beyond when you go through this process. You’re a rock and the friend that sticketh closer than a brother. We ain’t parting yet. Caits, man. God gave us some serious grace. I’m glad you dropped out. I’m glad we, three, grew closer because of it. I know our faith has been stretched and we’re weary but now is the time. Let’s do some damage. Etienne and Madeleine, being a community college student gave me the bandwidth to appreciate you more than before and every single adventure we’ve had together, the six AM hikes before A period, the city walks at eleven PM on Saturday nights, being stuck in traffic and singing our hearts out, those moments were and are irreplaceable. You are the coolest, most captivating, unique, and talented people I know and as your sister and chauffeur, I am honored to have been given this time with you. Grampa and Kooya Jakes, as my older siblings, your support has sustained me. You weren’t as vocal because you knew that your opinions would annoy me( I APPRECIATE THAT) and you prayed. Marnie and Carise( habibi), y’all stayed up with me four AM just to talk things out and to develop thoughts. And not just one night but for multiple. How could you even listen for that long much less, attentively and critically? You responded with thought-provoking questions and forced me into uncomfortable spaces. You both reassured me and listened to my anxieties. Habibi, thanks for being in my court. You’ll make a great mama.
And so, I waited.
On April 28, 2017, at 4:04 PM, the decisions came in.
But I wasn’t home and neither was Caits.
Around 5/5:30, Etienne, Caitlin, and I were praying on my living room couch( the really comfy, Japanese one). I had no idea how to access the portal and realized that maybe, just maybe, during senior year, I never hit submit on the application because I truly had no idea how to check the application status update. Caits sent me the link and we opened it. We didn’t have to read anything because the colorful confetti moved over the ‘Congratulations’ and we called our moms. It was eerily calm. At least, we were. Our mom’s screamed over the phone. Auntie Wendy asked if I got in and Mama asked if Caits got in. By God’s grace, we were able to say yes.
We kept it pretty quiet. If you went on Facebook that day, I’m sure you saw all the announcements but Caits was considering UCSD and I was waiting for Boston U. When we announced our acceptance, later that evening, to #FAMSQUAD, it was pretty anticlimactic.
Caits made her decision first. Last Thursday, I got her a Cal chem shirt and sweatshirt so she could wear them while she SIR’d. Friday morning, I received my acceptance from BU and was ecstatic. Friday night, I heard from my back-up school and didn’t relay the information because lol #nothanks. I didn’t sleep that night. It wasn’t because I was pondering over the decision but rather, a bunch of us were having a sleepover to hike the next morning. We didn’t sleep.
Saturday was insanely busy and for the first time, that afternoon, I had a moment of quietness. Ironically, it was on BART which was absolutely chaotic because there was no service between Fruitvale and West Oakland which left everyone frantic. But I was weighing my lists, the pro’s and con’s. In my limited vision, Boston has more pro’s.
Today, I SIR’d to Cal. I have reasons, sure. However, my decision was made because God gave me peace about it and because it is right. That might not make sense- people say “do what you want to do” and “do what’s best for you”- but what’s best for me is to do what’s right.
This decision was the right decision.
collectif de cole 